Dwarven fighter 1
Strength: 13 Dexterity: 14 Constitution: 17
Intelligence: 10 Wisdom: 14 Charisma: 6
I was a solar angel in my past life. I was an extremely powerful solar angel, too. Other angels looked up at me in awe as I marched with my glorious tower shield and one-shot every beast I encountered. In fact, I was so holy that Iomedae was going to make me a god. “The key to being an all-powerful god,” she had said, “is to know that all of the mysteries of the Universe can be solved in one simple, satisfying equation. It’s-”
Suddenly, the ground exploded beneath our feet. The Lord of the Locust Host Deskari rose up, his aura of locusts eating everything they saw and his mere presence frightening everyone within 300 feet. I felt so much overwhelming darkness in him that I realized I was no match for this guy. “Your wardstones couldn’t hold me back for long, Iomedae!” shouted the demon lord. “Me and my minions will wreak havoc on the Material Plane, and soon you and the other gods will suffer from the full fury of the Abyss! Witness my OPness!”
“Never!” shouted Iomedae. Deskari screamed and attacked Iomedae with his extremely overpowered scythe, thus starting a god vs. demon lord battle to the death. I would have been glad to stick around and watch the fight, but unfortunately the hole in the ground which Deskari had blasted open was actually a gash in the fabric of space-time and had turned into a black hole which was sucking everything, including me, off the plane and into who-knows-where.
I tried unsuccessfully to fly out of it; the black hole was just too strong. “Don’t worry about the black hole; I’ll fix it as soon as I kill this demon!” shouted Iomedae from 300 feet in the air as she fought Deskari. “And remember: the secret of the Universe is-” I was sucked out of the plane before I could hear the rest.
I fell spinning into the infinite void of space. The black hole drained all of my powers and warped me into a helpless dwarf baby. The wormhole then deposited me on the Material Plane, halfway lodged in an ice comet that was going 250mph toward the surface of the earth.
The G-force alone was excruciatingly painful. The extreme cold of the ice comet was also excruciatingly painful. The corona of extreme heat that was forming around the ice comet as it entered the Earth’s atmosphere at a terrifying speed was even more excruciatingly painful.
Also, the comet was spinning at about the speed of the wind just outside the eye of hurricane Katrina at its peak, which made me throw up. Because of the direction the comet was going, all of the bile landed on me. The stomach acid on my entire body was excruciatingly painful like nobody’s business. Oh, also the comet was going too fast and the air was too thin to breathe, so I had to hold my breath. Having a newborn baby’s respiratory system, this cranked the excruciating pain up a few hundred notches. All this excruciating pain formed an unbearable agony that you can’t even imagine imagining.
The comet passed through a thundercloud that shocked me 61 times. By this time the comet had formed a shape in which the air that passed through it whistled in a 200-decibel scream. The comet finally landed with a supersonic boom in the middle of a goblin camp. The impact of the crash painfully shook every cell in my body. The left side of me was burning, the right side of me was frozen, and my stomach acid was eating both sides. A bunch of goblins looked at me with intense curiosity. Being a baby, all I could say was “Ow! Ow owie ow!” Unfortunately, this translated to “Can you put me in your most painful torture chamber for life, please?” in Goblin. The goblins gladly obliged.
For 50 years I had to undergo every torture method the goblins could think of, and believe me they thought of a lot. All of my screams of pain and pleas to get out translated in Goblin as requests for more forms of painful torture. All this time I knew that I could be an all-powerful god in Heaven with the knowledge of the secret of the Universe if it weren’t for Pazuzu, so I’ve had an overwhelming ambition to drive every single demon out of existence until the end of time for my entire life.
Finally I learned enough Goblin to say “Okay! That’s enough! Let me out!” and they did. I wandered around Golarion for a while and met a dwarf named Nlishgar in Port Shaw. I asked him what was a good way to live life and he said, “Be insanely defensive”. I then went to Gildhaven and asked a dwarf named Nathant the same question. He said, “Be insanely defensive”. After that I went to Esper and met some members of the high council, a dwarf named Nolgrin and a hobgoblin named Neskaghir. I asked them the same question and they said, “Be insanely defensive.” Taking all this into account, I settled down in Kanabres and decided to be insanely defensive and become the tower shield specialist I once was as an angel. I’m not strong enough to wield a tower shield yet, but when my skills improve, you’ll never see me without one.
This concludes the bio of Nlarktor, the dwarf who was exposed to awfulness.