20th day of Abadius, 4716 AR
When we last left our heroes, they found themselves stranded, teleported miles away from home, standing before the main entrance to the legendary dungeon Rappan Athuk! Blizzard, the party’s druid, watched them via magic and jotted down notes as they found their way home… –GM
We (our party) emerged from the graveyard, fleeing the gargoyles. We emerged into the surrounding forest. Sean joined us as a hologram, beamed to us from Numeria. Currently we are healing and making skill checks to find our way out. We think the coast is ten miles east. We are heading to the coast, and after reaching the edge of the mountains we are heading north to the river. It is 4:00 PM. When it is dusk, we are rolling perception and we find a good shelter area. Now we are taking watch.
It’s morning, and we have found the river! We go west. We hustle, and it is 11 o’clock.
Birds: ♬ chirp chirp chirp! ♬
River: Gurrrgle splash
Still a forest, and we see the bridge.
We are at the river. The water sparkles beautifully, and light shines through the forest.
Me: I vote we follow the river!
We head west. We see across the river to the north what looks like fog over a dank swamp. It is sunset.
Sean: Is Shrek there?
Uhhh, hold on. Sean has doubled over. We continue going. We will go until 8. We are close.
Valestar: Probably a couple more days.
Aaand now we have traveled a few hours, and it is early morning.
Nature: Chirp chirp splash *wind blowing*
We are spreading out and exploring. (A previous adventuring party had marked a symbol just south of a river, halfway back toward Zelkor’s Ferry. –GM) We find wooded areas. We find a cave with an iron door guarding the entrance. Valestar uses detect magic.
Valestar: I go up and try to open it.
It is locked. Son of a hadron collider. Sean uses telekinesis. The door does not budge. Aha! It is magically locked. The sturdy, arcane, shining lot is magically locked! We see no hinges.
We are now talking.
Me: We should just keep going home.
Valestar: We should investigate the hill.
We walk around the hill and see nothing. Aaannd Sean wants to telekinetically destroy the hill. The Rappan Athuk key does not work. We hear heavy footsteps from behind the door.
Sean: No, it’s Shrek!
Me: Let’s get ready.
We ready our weapons. We hear the door being opened! We see tall creatures with rough reen hides.
Sean: It’s Shrek!
We may be screwed. The Shreks are not Shrek. (News flash, Sean.)
Damage: 48 omg to the middle Shrek. The Shrek is weak. 6 damage again.
They are trolls! Horse’s butt phenomenon. Valestar hits and does 15 damage. The troll falls unconscious. Valestar’s horse readies an action. Sean shoots at the trolls! Death from Afar also attacks. He rapid shots for 14 damage. A troll moves forward, and Valestar attacks it. There are 4 trolls left.
Their flesh is starting to reform! Oh no! Annnd something is mentally controlling Valestar! We are continuing to fight, but it seems we’re losing.
Me: C’mon, we need a crit now!
Sean uses elemental overflow. Another troll is down. 42 damage to another one. Another troll is weak. The trolls are now losing. We are fighting valiantly. Horsey misses the troll. We continue to fight.
And now I’m bitten, clawed, and rended. I’m almost unconscious. Sean and Vv are confused. We are running.
(Marco in real life: We’ve got to GTFO!)
We are slowly making it out of here. Evil Valestar is trying to fight. Annnd there is a spellcaster attacking us! DAMN IT! Son of a hadron collider. Nooooo! Drun Ken Sayler is dead!!! We’re almost out. The horse is attacking the caster, Turane. (He shouted “This is for the rest of them!”) And now Vv’s dead too!
(Valestar, a paladin, snapped out of his domination spell when the mage ordered him to drag his friends’ bodies into the cave. –GM) Valestar is talking with the caster, and then he kills the caster! He calls his horse and rides for home.
Valestar and Death from Afar have almost reached home, and I am using flare to keep the chicken noodle soup warm. And now they are ambushed by stirges.
They arrive home to me planting melons and eating soup in the garden. The kobold is eating a fish and crying. We got a buttload of loot from the caster. We are going over the items we found.
We are going to Pizzatown! I make 1 gp by selling fruits and veggies. We visited a magic items shop and buy stuff. We head back to the Mouth of Doom to defeat the wall/snake thing. Valestar attacks it, dealing damage. We have run; it is too strong.
Blizzard, aasimar druid 4
Death from Afar, hobgoblin slayer 5
Valestar Ekhart, aasimar paladin 6
Drun Ken Sayler, undine gunslinger 5
Vv, human ranger 4